When find your essence you become liberated.

 Remember it is you and your mind and it is your life.

When we develop spiritual awareness in us, we avoid depression and are more aware of our surroundings; we make intelligent decisions that lead to holistic living.

MY DEPRESSION LEAD TO UNDER-EATING
I GOT OVER IT, SO CAN YOU

I am a survivor of domestic violence; I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself and lost my appetite. I got married in December and found out I was pregnant in January. I went from 110 pounds to only 79 pounds. After 11 years, one of my friends in school gave me a book to read by J. Krishnamurti. I found out I was living a life in hell because I was scared that he will hurt my kids and I was scared for my life. Petrified about what people are going think of me. I thought my purpose in life is to raise these kids, and my life is over. 

Mr. K made me realize who Munni is. I became aware of that when I was suffering, I was alone; it was my life. After twelve years of living in hell, one day I was going to work, he ran to hit me, because he was mad over a past memory. That day was my final day when I said to myself, “Run, Munni, run! Don’t look back.” I ran with my two kids with nothing. Just my car and the clothes we were wearing. I checked into a Holiday Inn for a month and did not know what I was going to do. I hired a live-in maid for my kids the same day. I was scared that he was going to hurt me and my kids. I started having panic attacks. God never let anyone one suffer from it. I did not know what was going on with me. I was contemplating death. My friend, who was like a sister to me, recommended seeing a psychiatrist.

I went to a psychiatrist, and she prescribed medication. The doctor made the right decision; this is why she is there to make me feel better. But these drugs are for life; I did not ever believe in abusing my body even since I was a child. I have never tried any drug or alcohol in my life; I was an obedient student and daughter. I avoided getting in trouble for doing wrong. After I had left my psychiatrist, I told myself “I am going to destroy my body, so I better get a hold of myself.”

The same day, I had a second appointment with a nutritionist. When I saw the nutritionist whose skin appeared dry, and the texture lacked elasticity, I could not trust her. So I know I must take care of myself. I ran away from her as well.

I grew up with parents who were highly professional and classy. My parents were so beyond their time. That time, I don’t know if any of you remember they were practicing using alcohol to wash and sanitize hands. My Dad told me, “Wash your hands with soap.”  We always had fresh, healthy food, and we were raised with homeopathic medicine. Our conscious minds have a tendency of keeping some information dormant. Take a minute right now while you are reading this book and remember rules and lectures you had from your guardians.  

Dig down and listen to your inside, to what your grandma or parents used to tell you. Information still stored in our subconscious brain. These people were wise with the exception of a few. Now with modern technology, most of us don’t even know our home phone number,  I used to remember hundreds of phones numbers, and now, maybe a few.